All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

~ Havelock Ellis

So for a while now nosotros've been talking most Spring Cleaning and the importance of lightening our load so we can alive our all-time, near fabulous life. But once we lighten our load, does that hateful we concur on tight to what nosotros accept?

In terms of relationships, initially it'due south important to identify who to allow go of but too realize that even within the relationships we hang on to, in that location nonetheless needs be an element of letting go.

As Ellis' quote suggests, at that place must be a residue. And it is, indeed, an fine art. Meaning, it ain't easy.

If we allow get also much, we can come across equally uncaring and blah. But if we concur too tightly to a loved one, we take a chance smothering the relationship. Property likewise tightly can pb to command, manipulation, and resentment that overtime, can erode the structure of a healthy relationship.

If a truly solid marriage is when two whole people come together to share a life, and so we need to maintain the integrity of our wholeness while living a life together.

Think of the beautiful pillars that hold up a temple. They are each strong in their ain right only must maintain a certain amount of infinite in order to uphold something bigger than themselves. Engineers piece of work hard at finding that perfect mathematical balance.The same principle goes for relationships.

We need to allow our partners their individual freedom. To allow them to maintain that beautiful autonomy that perhaps we were so attracted to in the start place. Requite them their space. And expect the same in return.

I've seen information technology happen several times to close friends. A couple starts off enraptured with ane another and 1 or both of them loses office of themselves in the other. I've been guilty of this myself. It may feel good at the time, but in the long-run, this can be a recipe for disaster. Even landed a friend of mine's husband in a mental ward considering he couldn't handle the separation she was inflicting on him for wanting to be "her ain person" once again after years of being enmeshed in i another.

I think this is a common fault when nosotros're younger and even so searching for our identity through others but I've seen it happen to older adults as well.

Then I recall it's important to always keep this top of mind and remind ourselves that when nosotros offset to feel the slightest chip controlling in a human relationship, to dorsum off. To know that we don't have to exert power over another just to get our way. But through love, listening, understanding, and articulate communication we can have our wants and needs met and live a happy life in tandem. 🙂

Kahlil Gibran beautifully articulates the concept of letting go in his verse form Matrimony —

You were built-in together, and together you shall exist forevermore.
You shall exist together when the white wings of expiry scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let in that location be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens trip the light fantastic toe betwixt you.

Love one another, but brand not a bond of beloved:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other'due south cup but drink non from one cup.
Requite one another of your bread but swallow not from the aforementioned loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of yous exist lonely,
Even as the strings of a lute are lone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life tin can contain your hearts.
And stand together even so not as well near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand autonomously,
And the oak tree and the cypress abound non in each other's shadow.

Then what're your thoughts? Do you remember this concept of letting become is necessary for a lasting relationship? Have you ever lost yourself in someone? Any advice from the married folks out there on how to maintain your sense of self in a long-term relationship?

Photo courtesy of Frank Selmo